


Don't Make Things Nice

by nagi_schwarz



Series: Home and Away [19]
Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1, Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 07:30:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7835704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nagi_schwarz/pseuds/nagi_schwarz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the comment_fic prompt: 'Any, Any, “I love you. Not like they told you love is, and I didn't know this either, but love don't make things nice - it ruins everything. It breaks your heart. It makes things a mess.”'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Make Things Nice

Sam was confused as all get out when the little strips of paper with random holes cut out arrived in the mail. He didn’t throw them away immediately, because he was curious, and then the other envelope arrived. It was full of to-do lists and shopping lists in unfamiliar handwriting (neat, legible, but totally unfamiliar). The letter was postmarked from somewhere in Virginia. Sam didn’t know anyone in Virginia.  
  
But then he remembered something he’d read in a book once, and he dug through his desk for the weird papers that had come in the mail the week before, and he realized that the papers were the same size as the shopping lists.  
  
So he laid one paper over the over, and very specific letters were left showing in the holes cut out.  
  
Sam grabbed a notebook - one labeled _English notes_ so Dean would never look at it twice - and copied all the visible letters down.  
  
And stared. He tried to sort the letters out into some kind of order - letters and numbers - but they made no sense. It was garble. He should just throw it all away.  
  
Except - except no, they did make sense. They were an address to a military base. Sam had seen some of them on the letters Mom had sent Dad, that Dad kept and read sometimes when he was sad.  
  
Sam hopped onto Google and did a quick search, and someone had made a handy guide for the format of military addresses on the USPS website. It took some shuffling around, but sure enough the letters and numbers resolved themselves into a military address.  
  
Huh. So the letters were some kind of secret code?  
  
And then Sam remembered. Jonathan had up and quit the garage out of the blue after the Air Force kidnapped him (Dad still didn’t think Jonathan really was okay, even though Jonathan had called and said he was). Was Sam supposed to send messages to Jonathan? Was this his secret Air Force address?  
  
Sam paired the next piece of cutout paper and the next document - a shopping list - and set to decoding. He was a little startled by the message.  
  
 _I love you. Not like they told you love is, and I didn't know this either, but love doesn't make things nice - it ruins everything. It breaks your heart. It makes things a mess. But I will fix this, I swear. Please don’t give up on me. I won’t give up on you._  
  
Did Jonathan have a girlfriend? He’d never dated anyone in all the years Sam had known him, and plenty of girls - and boys - had tried.  
  
Sam translated the next note.  
  
 _I don’t know what I’m doing. I was trained for black ops, yes, but not espionage. I don’t know what they expect of me - what anyone expects of me. But I didn’t know what was on the other side of the gate the first time I stepped through it. This isn’t like that, though. This is not a one-way trip._  
  
And the next.  
  
 _I don’t remember who I am anymore. Not who I was the first time or the second time. But I remember you. You keep me grounded. You keep me real. Am I real, or just a dream? A bad dream. A nightmare. But I will succeed._  
  
And the next.  
  
 _Took down one. They’re like hydra. End one, two more pop up. I better not be doing this alone. Wish I was there. Take me away with you._  
  
Sam felt like a bit of a voyeur, translating someone’s love notes like this, but he figured if Jonathan was far away, doing something dangerous to serve his country, then he deserved love notes - kind of sad love notes - from his sweetheart, whoever he or she was, right?  
  
So Sam wrote, and wrote, and wrote.  
  
The last note was for him, though.  
  
 _Thanks, Sam. Send papers first, shopping lists second. J._  
  
J. Wait. These were from Jonathan? This wasn’t his handwriting. Was he disguising his handwriting? Who were the notes to?  
  
Sam scanned over the notes again. Best as he was able to tell, the person who’d written these notes was older, was a spy or a soldier or something.

But Jonathan had written these, and Jonathan was the same age as Dean. Except - except sometimes he understood pop culture references that Bobby and Dad made, and sometimes he didn’t understand pop culture references Dean made, and -  
  
Whatever. It was giving Sam a headache. He’d send these on for Jonathan, though. Apparently Jonathan’s sweetheart was serving in the military.  
  
Although if they were both in the military, surely the military had more efficient ways of sending messages internally.  
  
Except Jonathan was doing something scary and black ops, so maybe his sweetheart didn’t get to know where he was. Surely Jonathan could send notes without saying where he was, though. None of his messages said where he was, and sending them through Sam would make things more complicated.  
  
And just like that, Sam realized. Jonathan’s sweetheart was another soldier. Was another guy. Of course they’d have to keep that secret.  
  
What soldiers did Jonathan even know?  
  
No matter. It was best if Sam didn’t know. He’d help, though. So he shuffled the cutout papers into proper order, and the shopping lists and to-do lists into proper order, and he mailed them off, first the cutout papers, then a week later the lists, and he waited. And he hoped Jonathan was all right.


End file.
